Heart Talk

I was watching Gene Simmons Family Jewels last nite and it struck me how one can learn something regardless of age or race or anything.  Here was a 61 year old man finally getting that his girlfriend was the love of his life and made his world go around.  It is never too late to learn something.  In fact, I believe the minute you stop learning you probably die.  Your mind and your heart should be working always.  They should almost always be at odds with each other.  One should always be saying follow me, while the other one should be saying no don't do that do it this way.  That push and pull is what makes the good stuff rise to the top.  I believe that be so true cause I have seen it happen in my life so many times.  My heart after all that it had been through with my ex still kept telling me to give Karen a try and maybe love her.  My head kept screaming, "you fool don't do it".  But because of that push and pull I took things slowly but still took a chance.  And you know what happened...I found my soul mate and married her.  It just goes to show you that you can have both things happening at the same time and the results can be real good.

Fathers Day

I just want to tell you how great Father's Day was/is for me. First, I have a great father and I have always known that. This year like the last couple of years I have had the awesome pleasure of having a Father's Day all of my own. At times it has been a struggle to understand all of the nuances of being a dad much less a step dad. I stayed the course because I have a great partner and best friend in my wife Karen and because I have children that I believe in so much and I love them so very much. I can't tell you how much it made me feel today to have the kids sit at the table with me this morning and give me gifts. Some they bought, some they made. Either way in that moment I was transported to some place else. I don't know if it was Heaven but if it wasn't it felt pretty darn good in it's place. I have a lot of time, quiet time, on my hands now because I have started my job in Cleveland recently and I work up there 3 days a week and of course I am without my wife and kids. There isn't a day or minute that goes by that I don't miss them or wonder if I made the right decision to take the transfer. I struggle with that a lot but I speak to my beautiful wife and she keeps pushing me forward even though I know she is under a tremendous amount of pressure because she has to handle everything when I am gone. I hear the strain in your voice honey and my heart hurts but I am so proud that you have stepped in and become the driving force of our family. Without you I don't know if we could make this work. Today, I came downstairs and the oldest daughter gave me a hug and wished me a Happy Father's Day. I felt special because I know the strain that they have been put under trying to get used to our different family structure. I consider myself a complicated person emotionally but a simple person when it comes to finding happiness. Yesterday, I got to take Karen, Katie, Lyssie, and a friend to the Taylor Swift concert. The traffic was horrible but I wanted to take them and see them off and make sure they were safe. Someone later said to me that I was crazy to drive them in with all of the traffic and that they should have just taken the T into the city. I said I love them very much and wanted to make sure they were okay. I was told I don't love anyone that much. I guess I do. It is very satisfying to know that I can be counted on to do the right thing and do what I think is necessary to make their lives easier. I was looking thru some of older stuff as I was cleaning up my work area and found a letter from Lyssie that said it all:

Dear Brian:

Thanks for being my dad and taking care of me. I love you.

Lyssie

I don't have to say anything else. Life is good. Have Father's Day.

Tough Days

So here we are almost a month after the decision to close down our branch of the bank. Looking back I took this news really well but now the reality is really starting to set in. I am scared, angry, depressed, and shaken with the fate that has befallen us. I never really wanted to leave and still don't. It is like being asked to leave a real cool bar before last call has come about. I thought that we and including me had found a place to retire and live happily ever after. I was wrong. Even though I have been down this road before with layoffs happening to me, I still feel like I took a shot in the gut. 3 years ago I wasn't married and didn't have a family to support so I felt like I had a good chance to survive. Now the pressure is on to make sure I do the right thing and take care of my family. I believe in God and believe that things have a way of working themselves out. I have to believe that more than ever and have to believe it when things are going bad and not just when things are going well. I will continue to post and let people know how things work out. I want everyone to know that their prayers and support mean so much. Thanks...and Holla if you hear me!

A feeling of Distrust

I just found out Friday that I will beginning the process of having my job phased out over the next year. What a letdown of course but I realize that this might be a good opportunity for me and the family. What is so upsetting is that why we are losing our jobs. We believed in a system that we all believed was fair. What we learned is that nothing that is perceived as the truth actually is when politics are involved. The truth is determined by the mouth that it is coming out of. I say this not to be bitter but to teach a lesson to everyone to be honest in your daily lives. Be honest to the ones you love, be honest to those that you don't. Treat yourself with dignity and self respect and treat others the way you need to be treated. Once, you head down a path of deceit and lies it can only bring you down. We I learned is that the truth can be manipulated by people that have no interest in it to begin with. I am not sad or bitter just trying to preach a life lesson that I think we all can learn and if we do learn it it will something that can help us be much happier people. Much love...Holla....